I know it’s been only 13 days since I said goodbye to my best friend and rock.
Every day I try to do something to honor him but every day I end up in a pool of tears. Buddy was a rock during some tough times and I miss his daily presence in my life.
If anyone has self-help advice, I’d really appreciate it.
Thanks
Julie
It just takes lots of time. Mine has been gone over six years and I still have bad days.
Thanks, at least I’m “normal” LOL!
xoxo
Julie,
No one can say when it gets better. It takes time. I still miss Sassy and that won’t ever end. I know our humane society has a grief group once a month on a Saturday. Maybe check around in your area to see if there is one. I basically did it on my own and a lot of tears and writing on her blog. I mean a lot of tears. I used to just go into the chat room and sit and watch everyone chat and sit and cry. I used to talk to Sally on the phone and cry lol.
In August it will be 3 years and I still have days that I cry. I smile more now when I remember her but there are those days & I always know when those days are because I cry at a drop of a hat.
You are more than welcome to send me a private message.
hugs
Michelle & Angel Sassy
I’ll look forward to the time when I am crying less but I guess for now, I just let myself do it and yes- I will reach out when I need to. Thanks so much!!
xoxo
Something I wrote down from someone’s post
“how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” To me, grieving these perfect souls is such a compliment to them – if they weren’t so deeply loved, grief wouldn’t exist.”
One “mind game” I would play with myself to try and interrupt the gut wrenching sobs: Julie, if someone told you they could stop the grief instantly, but your life with Buddy would never have happened. He would never have been born and you would never have experienced the joy of having Buddy in your life. Would that be an option you would want?? Never mind, we all know the answer! It’s just a little “technique” I would use on myself. Jt always worked, even if just for a minute.
You are still so immersed in the depth of despair. It’s really hard to feel.anything vut utter sadness. Your world has stopped, but everybody else is still getting on with their lives. You are a Zombie going through the motions of existing.
Like Michelle, lots and lots of seemingly never-ending tears. And yes, Michelle and I shared many conversations where one, or both of us, just cried!
No, don’t go through this alone. This is a grief like no other. You need to be supported by people who REALLY do understand.
You have my number…call, pm, email, helpline…reach out and let us get you through those moments where you feel like your grief is suffocating you. As much as I was SURE I could handle it by myself, I found it really helped to talk with someone who had been through it…and survived!!
Now, you have to.promise me you’ll do this right now. Promise first, then I’ll tell you what it is. Omay, promise? Good!
Now think.of something Buddy did that he knew that you knew that he knew he shouldn’t!! Read it over…it really does make sense! Now think.of the look he gave you and how tickled with himself he was!:-)
Surrounding you with Buddy’s love…eternal love
Sally and My Chunky Spiritual Being Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too
Sally, I’ll probably take you up on your offer. I’ll give you a call. I’m sure this weekend will be lonely. My first home alone without him. I’ve managed to be out of town for the past 10 days so that has helped.
Thanks so much!
Julie,
It doesn’t get easier, it doesn’t get easier, but then, one day you’ll realize you didn’t have a breakdown. Then you’ll sob about that. But it will slowly dissipate. Not your love or your. loss, but your hurt.
Advice? The best advice I was given (by my aunt, an animal rights radical!) was to set aside a time each and every day to just cry.
When my heart dog, Lexy, was lost to hemangiosarcoma within a week of diagnosis, I would sob so hard that I could barely breathe then I’d literally vomit. Once I chose to make it a daily ritual, I was able to ride it out a bit better day by day.
I set aside two cry times. I had to sob and yell “why? why” as soon as I came in the door. I did this while hugging on my other buddy, Tipper, who came to meet me.
I also set aside 7 pm as my “official” time. I made plaster imprints of their paws before I said goodbye. I would put my hand on her paw print and just cry as long as I could. 3 years later, there are still times when I just want her, and I still grab onto her paw print like a touchstone.
Now, I’m looking at Tipper’s recent down , and doing a lot of soggy weeping.
Just let yourself do it. Grieve. Don’t let anybody tell you it’s “just” a pet. Don’t let anybody tell you how you should feel.
Osteosarcoma DOES suck. And it’s ok for you to have all the feels you need.
Blessings,
Tipper and Julie
I think I will set aside time to cry. I do cry sometimes so hard that I can’t catch my breath. Thanks so much for sharing your story with me.
xoxo
My heart goes out to you Julie ❤️ I was on the forum almost three years ago asking exactly the same question. I had to work from home for a couple of weeks because I would burst into tears without notice. I spent a lot of time crying in the bathroom the first month and I would say it took me at least 3 months to feel like I could speak her name without having a meltdown. I know everyone is on their own schedule but I just wanted to let you know it took me a long time. After three years I still can’t fathom going through her photos to create a photo book. For now I know those photos are safe and sound and that’s enough for the time being. Sending lots of love and healing thoughts your way ❤️🐾❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I really appreciate it.
Hi Julie, I am so sorry for your pain. I’m at the beginning stage of having to say goodbye to my boy. I like your idea of doing something everyday to honor him. Also, like Sally and Michelle encouraged, when it gets bad . . . reach out. if there is a grief group available for pet parents near you, take advantage of it. I think being around folks who truly understand what you’re going thru helps in such a big way.
When I lost Ellie suddenly, the grief group really helped pull me back from the edge. This is a club nobody goes looking to join, but when you are in the company of those who honestly share in this most wretched of pain, for that brief time, it doesn’t hurt quite so hard. Sending you healing energy, and a hug
xo
choo + vito
Sally, do you mind if i “borrow” that first paragraph? it hit my heart. if you know the author, i will happily give credit 🙂
Yes, I’m going to plan to do something each day to honor my sweet boy. Thanks for sending the healing energy. I can feel the love on this blog. I’ll keep you in my thoughts too while you are on your journey.
xoxo
Not sure if this helps, but know that you and Buddy are touching other lives in need by sharing Buddy’s Chariot with Otis. It might seem to be something small, but every ripple of love is really something large.
Oh my goodness, that certainly raises my spirits Christine. I can’t wait to get that Chariot in the mail for Otis!!!!
xoxo
Oh sweet Julie .. .I wish I could say it gets easier but that isn’t the word I would use. I would say it gets more manageable? The pain remains but the ache becomes less… you still miss those moments, those snuggles, those cuddles … but you are able to remember the good and the happy times and smile more. I am still working through it with Shelby but I can say 100% I am ten times better than I was last year and the year before.
Your journey is still new. I remember the first month without Shelby I was a walking shell of who I was… without purpose. But each day, that light got a bit brighter and I cried a little less. Some days I didn’t cry at all. It is a process and grief has no limit… allow Buddy’s spirit to guide you. I know he has his paws on your shoulders at all times!!!
Much love!!!
alison with spirit shelby in her heart
Hi Alison
I will let Buddy’s spirit guide me. I do feel his presence at times. I just need to give myself over to the process of grieving. A friend of mine once said that to grieve is to love. I wouldn’t trade loving Buddy for anything including getting rid of the pain.
Thanks so much!
Julie
You guys always raise my spirits. Thank you so much – each of you – for your thoughtful replies. It really does help to know that that others have had similar struggles…at least I’m not completely losing my mind. I guess just need to allow myself (give myself permission) to grieve. I usually don’t do that because I’m a Nurse Practitioner so I have learned how to compartmentalize but that just isn’t possible when it’s your fur-baby.
I think I will take time each day to honor Buddy and if that involves crying – well, so be it. And Sally, you are right – to grieve is to love.
I have read and re-read all of your replies and I will continue to do so as it gives me strength.
Bless you all for taking the time to help me through this.
Love
Julie and Spirit Buddy
There is no set time. Some people ( usually not pet owners) just want you back to normal. I was a mess. For quite a while, I was a mess. I would hold his box of ashes or his bag of fur and just sob. I made a memorial garden, which by the way looks beautiful this year from all the rain. I also made a scrapbook. I NEEDED those pictures! Some people cannot look at them. Again, all normal. I had trouble throwing anything away. I think some of his meds are still in the cabinet. It has been 2 years and I still have not washed his window. I know, gross, but he stood there all the time and watched things. His nose prints are still there I think among the smudges. I blogged, a lot. As memories came to mind, I blogged. I does get better, I promise. You never stop missing them, but the sharp pain lessens into a somewhat dull pain. Then one day you think of them and you don’t cry, you smile. You remember their antics or silly personality that made them, them. Look for signs, they will come. Mine has been pennies and dimes. And I am talking in some weird places. Usually when I am needing them the most. Last of all, hang out here. We know how you are feeling. The support and friendship is like no other. Hugs, Lori, Ty and Gang